She is in my trunk
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
