If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
