I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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