garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
