I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
