lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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