I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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