Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
