So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
