Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
