i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
