just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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