Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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