I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
