Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
