just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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