Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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