I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
