i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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