Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
