What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
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I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize