My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My liver just had a heart attack.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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