it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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