He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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