not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
