May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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