I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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