Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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