So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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