I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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