Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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