i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
