is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
