Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
