if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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