I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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