I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
