my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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