no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
