your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
