im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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