i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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