what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
