Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
