on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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