roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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