how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
