So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
