now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Small penises have feelings too.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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