you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
