he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Terrible idea I love it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
