The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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