i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
