I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There r osticjed everywhere
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
