okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
