You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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