this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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