that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
