the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do vagina's smell?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
