My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
