I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
