my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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