Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize