i permit you to call me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
