PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
