Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
