What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
