i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
