I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
