My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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