So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
