you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
