i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
