we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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