See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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