how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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