we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
