from now on my penis is your penis
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
