Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
